{ 01 } how cheerfully he seems to grin how neatly spreads his claws

[socoolbrewster]

  Heyyy, what's shakin', bacon?

...See, it's funny because you're food. Just a bunch of walking milkshakes. 

[He snickers, a slightly unhinged little laugh, and it's clear that aside from the deathly pale skin and too-dark glint of his eyes there is something seriously Not Right about him. You may have seen him in the hallways earlier, he was skulking around for a few hours before deciding to post something.] 

But anyway.  I'm getting a very...Jason X vibe here.  Maybe Alien: Resurrection.  It's interesting.  Kinda cool.  Dark.  I like it.

[Evil leans back in the chair, as relaxed as a tiger stalking its prey from afar, and smirks. Behind him you can see a room that looks almost stereotypically "nerdy teenage boy"; movie posters from just about every horror movie known to man paper the walls, interspersed with ones for various video games and the occasional map or hand-drawn attempt. The only thing that doesn't quite seem to fit is the large wooden crate stuck in the middle of the room.]

Chuckles, you out there? Because if this is some kind of fucked up newbie hunter joke I am so gonna kill you. And it's gonna be messy as fuck.

Comments

[Text. From Infirmary.]

[lastmanstanding]

...Jason X? Alien Resurrection?

[Video]

[slayage]

[Buffy takes a few seconds to dissolve some of her rage at the Admiral before replying. The rest she uses carefully in her voice, a deadly serious sharpness in her hazel eyes.]

So you're a vampire, right?

Let me lay down some basics for you. You're dead. Again. This is the barge. You're a prisoner. Those walking milkshakes? Aren't on the menu. And if you try to get your blood-fix out of anyone here, you're gonna have to go through me.

Questions?

Video:

[acid_rayne]

Great...

See, no - you're not eating anyone here. You do that and you get your head taken off. Gladly.

[most_feared]

I would not recommend partaking of the walking milkshakes, Son, for the reasons previously stated. You will probably find some of your abilities removed anyway.

But if you have any questions concerning your current location I'd be happy to help you out.

Re: [Text. From Infirmary.]

[socoolbrewster]

Yeah. You know, the movies? Monsters in space?

[Video]

[socoolbrewster]

[...Dude. It's...Buffy. Ed's actually kind of impressed; he'd be suitably fanboy-levels of excited, except for the part where he's kind of past the human thing. So instead he just smirks like the cocky twerp he is.]

Well well well, what do we have here. Buffy. You know, I had a phase -- not that long ago, either -- where I'd watch your show every fucking day. It's...really not as accurate as you'd think.

Video:

[socoolbrewster]

And who's gonna do that, you?

[with_my_teacup]

'Cool.'

[Despite the fact that Riddick is kind of touchy about vampires, his reaction right now is a bemused little 'bless your heart' expression overlaying a big giant 'fuck you, newbie' attitude.]

[socoolbrewster]

...Who are you, the buzzkill brigade? Here to help the poor, defenseless n00bs?

What am I supposed to eat if I can't snack?

[truth_is_cold]

And this is where my problems with the Magog came from. [He is blissfully unaware that the woman he was in love with greatly resembles an android from that movie, or this conversation would be 90% more awkward.]

[most_feared]

All the vampires receive blood in the kitchen from packets. It's edible and sustaining.

[Yes, he's the buzzkill brigade.]

Re: [Text. From Infirmary.]

[lastmanstanding]

...I see where you're going with this. Different kinds of monsters however.

Re: Video:

[acid_rayne]

Doing so was part of my job back home, so... Yeah.

[flashy_magic]

Actually, it's not funny, because the joke's a bit forced and a shoddy attempt to point out how creepy and people-eating you are. Also, it would have worked better if you kept with the bacon comparison, because now I'm picturing bacon in a milkshake, and that's just disgusting.

Re: [Text. From Infirmary.]

[socoolbrewster]

Well yeah, no shit, I'm pretty sure there's not a xenomorph or a crazy guy in a hockey mask running around. ...I could always be wrong though.

Re: Video:

[socoolbrewster]

Oooh, I'm shaking in my boots. You're threatening over a computer. Scary.

[socoolbrewster]

[And now he's pulling a face; blood in BAGS? Ugh.]

What, like the bloodsucking version of an MRE? Health food will keep you alive too, doesn't mean it doesn't suck ass.

[most_feared]

The junk food here is more likely to cram a chunk of C-4 up your ass than your usual bag of Doritos, so I'd steer clear.

[socoolbrewster]

Glad I could catch your attention. [Like he cares.] Which part did it for ya?

[with_my_teacup]

The part where you're a sad, sad newcomer to the whole Penal institution and you actually think you're hard.

[Complete with a mocking little poor-little-boy smile, because Riddick knows he looks creepy when he goes for 'gentle']

Re: Video:

[acid_rayne]

See, this is why this place gets to me... I can't have nice, fun Kodak moments. No, I have to threaten people and break things...

Just eat the stuff they give you from the kitchen like the rest of us have to - living or undead. Don't and I put you on that 'break things' list of mine. Your choice - you wouldn't be the first.

Don't think I'm not capable.

[Makes a sneer to demonstrate she, too, has a pair of fangs.]

[socoolbrewster]

Conflict of outlook?

[socoolbrewster]

...Except the joke's the part where you say "see, it's funny because". 'Cause it's kind of obvious what the funny part's supposed to be. But nice try anyway.

[truth_is_cold]

A profound one.

[flashy_magic]

You know, I think I'm going to have to disagree with you on that.